I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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