Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
