I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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