So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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