Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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