Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
