i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
