Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I touched a dick in church today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
