i just google imaged poop.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
