Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
