So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
