covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
