take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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