yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
