Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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