haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
