He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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