turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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