I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
