There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
