forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize