As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
