Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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