She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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