I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
