This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
