your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
