Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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