New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
