i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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