Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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