yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
