I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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