i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
