I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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