New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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