John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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