plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
