what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
