oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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