It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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