There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
