i was born a porn star she said
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
