I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
