somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
