You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
