Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so that wasnt chicken after all
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
