My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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