So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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