I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
