You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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