wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
