I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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