I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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