Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
