do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
