is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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