i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
