just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
