Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
