ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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