Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
