Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
