News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
