Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
