You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
