I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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