ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
