I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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