So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize