i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
